Monday, August 31, 2009

I Am Just Not Ready Yet

How can he be in first grade already? I mean really. I used to crave fall like crazy right after July 4th. Not anymore. I am not ready for our lazy days of summer to come to an end. The routine I have lived by for six years went out the window these past few months and it was good. So good.
Rolling out of bed, slipping on our swimsuits, eating breakfast on the way to the ocean. Skipping naps, going to the grocery store only when it was absolutely necessary. I think I bought my weight in marshmallows, graham crackers and chocolate.

Now the routine is back. I dropped Addison off at school this morning and he did much better than he did last year.
I did not.
We walked him to his classroom, and he was off. I had Jack on my hip, and Anna's hand in mine and almost ran out of there.
I was sobbing. I just couldn't stop. It was dramatic.

Anna said, " Mama, stop making that thound (sound) just because Addison is in cool (school)! You are bein' adicyoulis (ridiculous.)"
I told her that I am who I am and no one should have to apologize for the way they are, or how they are feeling.
I just hope she doesn't throw that one in my face the next time she gives Jack or Addison a good smack and I force her to apologize.



15 comments:

Rosa said...

I had the same reaction with each child starting their first day of Elementary School. It is so momentous. My oldest is going to 2nd grade and I feel much better about her. I am more relaxed because she is my "seasoned vet". But my boy. Oh, my boy. He is another case altogether. I am fearful and hopeful, and downright pleading with the Heavens that he will be good and successful.

I wish you another great year of school.

QuiltedSimple said...

I am so amazed that it did not bother me so much when Tyler started Kindergarten as it did when Jessie started......and yes, Anna will bring that one up to you at some point. Here's to a great school year!
Kris

Little Buttercups said...

And here I thought I was the only one with such angst about going back to school! This was our first official summer between school years and it all went by way too fast!

Best of Luck!

Denise said...

We went back to school last week. I only have one dd, she's nearly 9 now and was looking forward to going back to school so it was easy on me :)

ColorSlut said...

Congrats on the first day! I'm sure the new rhythm will work out well.

Renee said...

I hear you, me too...

And my babe that just started first grade a second ago is going to college next week. Thanks goodness to a local one and my baby boy will still be living at home. sigh.

Yup, you might get that line back right at you soon. lol

lucky knitter said...

Awww... here's to a great year for both of you!

Jessica said...

Gosh-it's hard to believe it is the first day of school. I need to embrace your mindset a bit more and not apologize for who I am!

MichelleB said...

I totally get it.

And really, the level headedness of Anna was probably just as disconcerting as the sudden rush of emotions over your son.

Journeying Five said...

i completely and totally understand those emotions. i had a grade 1er and dropped them off with the preschooler and baby in the car. then we homeschooled and i love it! love having my kids close by, at least most days!

Meagan said...

No one really prepares us for how difficult being a mother will be, do they? How could anyone have told us? Yesterday, when I was trying to get Ava to cooperate with me, I asked her if she was listening to me. She stuck one index finger in each ear, looked right at me and said in a challenging tone, "I can't hear you". Good times, at 22 months old. Holy moly, we may be in for a ride with these beautiful little girls! Hang in there!

Hilary said...

Well, I don't even have children yet, but I'm already sad for them to start school. Preemptive nostalgia? Is that normal?

THE BURT FAMILY said...

I didn't have enough time to cry...Raegen didn't even want us to come into his school at all. I told him that he needed help carrying all the classroom supplies and he reluctantly agreed. When we arrived in his class he took off and told us we could go now! It made me laugh and the tears somehow never came...

Julie said...

We are starting back to school next Wednesday... and I'm not looking forward to it! My youngest will be heading to Pre-K... and I'm not sure how either of us are going to do!

Rachel Bingham said...

Oh my god! I am crying! You guys are too much! Now that I have some good time at a computer I am catching up on your blog :)