Friday, April 1, 2016

I Won't Let Go Until He Does

Most mornings my husband is up and out of bed
before me.
I lay there, assuming the starfish position. It is
I wait for my youngest son to join me.
He runs in with messy hair, smelling so yummy,
he snuggles close.
 All three of my kids used to do this but he is the
only one that still
seems to need mama time first thing in the
morning. I won't let go
of this tradition until he does.

Sometimes, in the middle of the living room,
he is playing
with his drone, deep in Minecraft, or making
a boobie trap.
He seems so engrossed in what he is doing
I don't even 
think he is aware of me walking by, but then
he stops what
he is doing, grabs my waist, hugs me so tight
and says,
"I love you, mother." I never let go until he does.

If we are home or out in a public place
(it doesn't matter how public),
and we hear music, he and I automatically start
dancing. Sometimes
with arms around each other, sometimes three
yards apart. My two
older kids are mortified but I don't care,
neither does he. I never stop
dancing until he does.

He is never too busy, never too cool to have
his picture taken with
me. He loves it-the crazier the better.
Sometimes he asks to take
a silly picture in front of a mirror
(usually in a store or restaurant).
My answer is yes-it will always be
yes until he stops asking.

If he is upset, I can still change his mood.
This usually starts by
me tackling him to the ground, acting like
a crazy, snorting monster
that has to tickle him until he is happy
again. After his smile returns,
I lay there with him. I don't get up until
he does.

He still lets me smother him with kisses,
inhale his deliciousness.
He sometimes knows what I am thinking
when we are sitting next
to each other. He leans into me, lets me
kiss his cheeks, his head.
I don't stop until he pulls away.

He still lets me hold his hand when we cross
the street, when we
are in a crowded place, or just because I feel
like it.  He doesn't
need me to do this anymore. There is no
chance of him running
away, he knows to stay close. Each time
I reach for his hand he
reaches back. I don't let go until he does.

He doesn't mind if I eat some of his candy
without asking. He will share
his cookie with me even if it is the last one.
He laughs when I stick my
finger in the icing of his piece of cake.
He always tells me I can have
more if I want some. Honestly,
I will always do this, whether he likes it
or not.

I know he will grow up all too soon and like his
older siblings, not have
much time or tolerance for his mother.
He won't let me kiss him as much,
I might have to fight for hugs and snuggling
every morning will become
something we used to do. Dancing in public
won't be our thing anymore
and I won't be able to coax him out of a bad
mood by acting like a wild boar.

He is my youngest, my last child and I will not
let go, not until he does.
I will a bit when it is time, but that time has not
come yet. So, for now
we will embrace in the middle of the room,
hold hands in the grocery
store and take pictures together in random
places, and I will be all in,
for all of it, hanging on to these moments.
Every single one.


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the sweetest. xo.

a friend to knit with said...

oh my goodness. behind on reading... and this was a wonderful place to start.

my third is my love bug, too. still will kiss me in public and hold my hand! at sixteen! :)

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I just came across your blog, after reading your post on Scary Mommy (10 things I want my sons to know), and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!
I have a 1 year old son, who doesn't do the things you talk about here yet, but gives me the longest, tightest hugs ever, and the world just disappears every time. Every little chance I've got for a snuggle, I don't pass on.
One of the things that most helped me during the early months, when we were so tired of waking up in the middle of the night, was to think that every time was a chance to hold him close, because it would go by so fast. Now that he doesn't breastfeed anymore, and that he sleeps on his own, I'm so happy I didn't miss a cuddling session!
I agree with every word on the post I mentioned, and have bookmarked it for future reference :-)

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I just lost it and started squawling when you wrote, dancing won't be our thing anymore! I have three kids. My daughters are perfection but my youngest, my son, he'd like me even if I wasn't his mother. We just get each other. He is 5 and just started kindergarten and I am sick without him to be with all day. I loved this post and thank you for reminding me how wonderful it is to have a child that still lets you drink in all their delicousness!

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